Hello, my dear friends. Today I am posting here a story, which I didn’t share before on any of my channels. I was also bullied at school like many other kids. However I should say, that it was pretty mild, so I consider myself to be lucky. I remembered about this experience as my daughter was playing with my old toy, it brought the memories back to me, so I decided to open up about this old problem of mine.
It is a yellow chicken, a simple toy, with which it all started. When I was 10 I had to switch to a new school because we moved somewhere else. Back then I was a bit overweight, but not VERY fat. I was a very kind and intelligent child. Kids called me fat since kindergarten, but I never really cared much, until the new school happened.
I won this chicken toy as prize for my first place at a ‘beauty contest’. I got this nomination as a ‘cinderella’ because of my charm, singing ability and support from my class. I was literally 10 or 11. I didn’t claim to be the school beauty, it just happened, that I won. And then it all began.
Girls in the bathroom would discuss how unfair the judgement was, I could not be beautiful because I was fat. You know, that cliché, when you are in the bathroom and people are discussing you not knowing you can hear everything. These were strangers, who did not know me at all, yet they judged. Some boys would call me names openly, saying I was fat, a meat factory and whatsoever. This thing lasted for about 5 years, sometimes getting weaker, sometimes getting to a horrible unbearable state (when I was 14-15).
Now I realise, that I was simply a child back then, and I really did not deserve this. If I was in the shoes of my parents I would probably have taken a more active position about this. But maybe they didn’t really know. As a result I had difficulty building relationships up until my mid twenties. Always choosing the wrong partner because of my self-esteem. Taking the first option available as if I didn’t deserve better.
However, it was an important factor of me being me and standing where I am now. Because of all this I didn’t keep contact with any of my classmates, which could have dragged me down. I studied really hard and moved abroad in the hopes of proving them, that I can do better. Now I realise that they don’t care and actually never did. In fact, they most likely don’t even remember bullying me, perhaps they even forgot I ever existed.
But this motivation helped me a lot to leave my comfort zone and become a bit better. The topic of being overweight is again relevant to me these days as my postpartum body is obviously different from a year ago. However, this time I don’t care, because I am accepting it as it is and I am ready to steadily get back to shape without trying to take a fast track.
I only wish that parents would pay more attention to their kids and spot early on any bullying (whether the child is a victim or a bully). We hear a lot about bullying these days, but I’m disgusted, that it still continues to happen. No kid deserves to be called names, no kid is not slim enough or beautiful enough. Being a parent myself, I hope that our kids will have it better as our society changes.
Sending you lots of love.